Wheels vs. Doors: Sartell student body has spoken


wheels vs doors

My name is Gretta Lillian Johnson, and I solemnly believe that on the planet Earth, there are more wheels than doors. The individuals that believe otherwise are simply incorrect, there is no other way to put it. I am very intrigued by what goes on in the brains of people who are on team doors, so I sent out a survey to see how someone on the other side might see it. After receiving 156 responses from the student body, here is what I can tell you.

Looking at the grades that chose to respond, they are about even all over the board. We had the most responses from the sophomore class. The seniors and freshmen were tied for the least amount of people answering the survey. The student body has spoken: 88.5% of the respondents believe that there are more wheels than doors. 

The students responding to the survey were given a chance to argue their opinions. All quotes used will remain from anonymous sources.

Doors are anything that open and close. Meaning a light switch circuit counts as a door because the switch opens and closes the circuit. A transistor is a very tiny light switch circuit but they work the exact same and there are 15 billion transistors in one iPhone 13. Valves also are doors because they open and close and each human heart has at least 2 valves so there are 16 billion doors from just human hearts.

— Anonymous

This statement was very easy to debunk. First I made a quick google search and found out that the definition of a door is “a hinged, sliding, or revolving barrier at the entrance to a building, room, or vehicle, or in the framework of a cupboard,” not just anything that opens and closes, which in turn means this entire theory is built upon a false foundation.

There are more doors because of the amount of apartment buildings, skyscrapers and buildings there are in the world. There are also doors on coffins, and there are many coffins that have been made.

— Anonymous

This response had some really good points, but if you think about all of the skyscrapers in America a very large portion of them are for business use. Say you enter each room through a door, there is one door, now say your boss sits in a big boss chair, most of which have four or five wheels. With just that alone the ratio is already 1:5 with wheels in the lead. The coffin has been in use since 5000 BCE, so I can understand this point on the surface. If you look deeper into it, you will find out that for most of history there was not a door attached to a coffin, there was just a slab of wood nailed onto a box, not qualifying a “coffin door” to be a real door at all.   

I believe [there are more doors] because there are far more buildings & things with doors then cars/carts/anything with wheels, meaning more doors than wheels.

— Anonymous

Again, this point completely disregards all of the objects that are on wheels or have wheels in a single building. The ratio of wheels to doors in any given building has to be at least 5:1. There is not much more to say regarding this argument, if you look into it, it is simply incorrect. 

Before I sign off, I want to share a word from team wheels.

Anyone who chooses team doors is in it for attention, and their arguments are completely stupid and dumb to the point where they don’t even make sense.

— Anonymous