Nick Hill is not human. How could he be? In addition to his inhumanly good looks, his freakish talent for procrastination, his occasionally scalding sarcasm, and of course his total lack of emotion, he is also strangely attracted to magnets. Some experts postulate he is part robot, even suggesting that he may be the terrible spawn of Robert Downey Jr and a microwave oven. Whatever the case, Nick has accepted the offer to write for the LeSabre, finding a place for it between his preparations for the school play, captainship of the speech team, and love of running, biking, and skiing. It might be tough, but after weeks and weeks of strength conditioning, meditation, and underwater basket weaving, he believes himself finally worthy of the task. In a recent interview, he boldly proclaimed that his articles would “bring a sometimes relatable, usually accurate, and always hilarious element to our school newspaper.” He also boasted that they would “hopefully not make anyone throw up.” We hope he’s right.