With election year almost upon us, it seems now more than ever it’s important to talk about our presidential candidates. As a large portion of our student body will be able to vote in the next election, and the rest will be able to participate soon enough, this is an issue that is both relevant and timely. By providing students with accurate and unbiased information about the front-runners of each party BEFORE they begin vilifying each other in campaign ads, we hope to cultivate a group of informed and empowered voters, ready to take their rightful place in the democratic process. Our goal is to provide a positive and constructive examination of each candidate, and help students become ready to vote, and we fully intend to do so.

But not here.
This article will be neither positive nor reasonable. This article will probably be accurate, but even that isn’t a promise. This article, and those that follow, will be full of the most painful, searing roasts you can imagine. They’ll be hostile and edgy. They may even be funny. That’s right. Politics can be funny. You may not believe it, but it’s possible. Possible only in…the Presidential Barbecue. Here’s what we’re serving up this week:

Jim Webb, lightly salted

Photo via Wikimedia under the Creative Commons License

This dish is unmatched in military experience and simplicity. A Virginia recipe, Webb is usually served with other Democratic dishes, and their flavors often overpower the blander taste of Webb. In fact, the last time Webb was served to a large audience, critics were heard to remark that if Webb was just given more time—more time on the grill—he could have been great. Great to some palates, that is. Webb’s conservative, slightly democratic taste has some strange, disgruntled overtones that don’t quite sit well with either party. In fact, people wanting to prepare Webb at home should note that if left out past October 20^th, 2015, he becomes stale and independent. According to the cooking staff at NPR, past this date Webb doesn’t agree with a majority of democratic stances and is best with only a little salt and some nice conservative sauce. However this doesn’t completely remove Webb from the Presidential Barbecue. An increasing number of Americans prefer more independent selections, and the new Webb might just be what they’re looking for, something strange and yet oddly familiar to tickle their taste buds. It might be said that Webb is a bit of an acquired taste, like Limburger cheese. You might assume that the people who like it are strange and smelly, but given time, you might find yourself liking it too.