The snow started melting again. The air smells like spring, and everything feels so alive. It’s so beautiful, but I can’t help but feel disappointed.

I love spring; it’s one of the best times of the year. We get to go outside during class, breathe in the fresh air, and watch everything grow with such beauty and grace. I love the countless rainy days that come with spring. But this year feels different. There’s this dark cloud covering the coming summer sun. It’s the last spring in the place I’ve called home for so long. Like spring, growing up is accompanied by so many bittersweet things.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been excited to grow up and leave Sartell. If I told my freshman self that I was dreading my high school career coming to an end, she would have laughed in my face and called me crazy. But now, standing at the edge of it all, I realize how much I’m going to miss the things I once took for granted.

I’ll miss the early mornings spent sleepily wandering the halls, clutching coffee and unstarted homework. I’ll miss the way the sun poured through the windows in the afternoons, making even the most ordinary days feel golden. I’ll miss the small, passing moments, the inside jokes, the last-minute study sessions, and the feeling of stepping into my classroom, knowing these were the moments that defined my youth.

I used to count down the days, eager to move on to something bigger, something new. But now that the finish line is in sight, I find myself wanting to slow down, to make time stretch just a little longer. Because after this, everything changes. Like most of my classmates, I’m going out of state for college, which means all my friends and family will be much more than a five-minute car ride away. My friendships will be tested by distance, routines I once found comforting will disappear, and the town I’ve called home will become just another stop on the road back to my childhood.

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The hardest part will be leaving my family, the people who have always been there for me, no matter what. 

I think about my parents and the way they’ve shaped every part of who I am. How my mom always knows when something is wrong. How she can fix almost anything by just listening to me. My dad ensures I maintain a healthy balance between school and life because, to him, that’s just another way of showing how much he loves me. I keep thinking about the quiet moments, hearing the birds on summer mornings, the long walks with my dogs, the times I curled up on the couch after a long day and just felt safe, like no matter what happened in the outside world, this place would always be my refuge.

And then there are my grandparents. The ones who never missed a birthday, a holiday, or an excuse to remind me how proud they are. The ones who told the same stories a hundred times, and somehow, I wish I could hear them just once more before I go. The ones who slipped me containers of my favorite meals, knowing food is love in its own way. I always thought they’d be just down the road forever, sitting at the kitchen table and listening to their voice. But now, I realize that forever is slipping through my fingers faster than I expected. Soon, those moments will be fewer, stretched across holidays and breaks instead of everyday life. And as much as I know I need to move forward, part of me wishes I could pause time, just for a little while longer.

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But I’ll miss not only my family but also my friends. These are the people who have been by my side through every bad grade, every heartache, and every late-night drive filled with music and laughter. They are the ones who turned simple school days into memories I’ll carry forever.

I’ll miss the way we could sit in a car for hours, doing nothing but talking. The way we could say one word and burst into uncontrollable laughter because of an inside joke no one else would understand. The way we could count on each other to make the worst days feel bearable and the best days feel unforgettable.

I know we’ll all keep in touch, but I also know life will get busy, and things will change. Soon, we won’t be meeting up for lunch on a whim or driving just to hang out for a few minutes. We won’t be sitting next to each other in class, procrastinating and whispering when we’re supposed to be paying attention. And as excited as I am for what’s ahead, I can’t help but wish we had just a little more time together.

I love being with people, and the thought of doing everything independently fills me with dread. Growing up is terrifying; what if I get to college and dislike everything? What if the place I’ve dreamed of for so long doesn’t feel like home? I love my people so much that I can’t imagine my life without them. The idea of leaving them, of stepping into the unknown alone, feels impossible.

But I also know that change is a part of growing up. Just like the trees shed their blossoms to make way for new growth, sometimes we have to let go of the familiar to become who we are meant to be. If I stayed in Sartell and never allowed myself to experience the scary, uncomfortable parts of growing up, I’d stay frozen in time forever. I’d watch the seasons change around me while I remained the same. And as terrifying as the future seems, I know deep down that I’m meant to grow, to change, to step into something new, even if it means leaving behind the comfort of everything I’ve ever known.

I also know this is just the beginning. I know excitement and adventure are waiting for all of us. But before I race ahead, I just want to hold onto this spring a little while longer. I want to breathe in the scent of fresh rain, hear the laughter in the hallways, and sit at the dinner table with my family, letting the moment linger just a little longer. I want one more late-night drive, one more spontaneous adventure with my best friends, and one more moment where everything feels just as it is before it all changes.

Because soon, we’ll be standing on that stage, diplomas in hand, looking out at the people who have shaped our lives. And as we throw our caps into the air, we’ll step forward, toward the future, toward the unknown, carrying with us the memories of every spring that brought us here. More than anything, carrying the love of the people who made leaving so hard in the first place.